Closet door remains shut for many gays

Sunday, March 03, 2002

Hera Diani, The Jakarta Post, Jakarta

It took years of pretending, of dating women and feeling hollow inside when others teased him about when he would get married, before "Heldy" finally faced facts.

"I met a man that I really look up to because he is very decent and nice. It turned out he is gay, too. It made me realize that gay people can be decent and manly, instead of the typical effeminate and sex-oriented gay that is always projected," he said.

The urge to be honest with some of those close to him grew. He told one of his best friends, but it was difficult to utter the words.

"At first I told her that I had converted to another religion, which made her nearly fall off her chair," laughed the 26-year-old writer.

"She was shocked, of course, but then managed to be cool about it."

Although Heldy has since told other friends, it has never crossed his mind to tell his family. Like most Indonesian gays who have grown up with feelings of guilt and shame, he is choosing to be selectively open with others because of the fear of rejection and stigmatization.

Although waria (transvestite homosexuals) are nothing new in Indonesian society, homosexuality remains a highly sensitive issue. Self-acknowledgement of a gay identity, including by having a same-sex partner and not submitting to societal pressure to marry, is a modern phenomenon and an anathema in this communal, family-oriented and traditionally conservative society.

The growing recognition of gays in urban centers -- where gay men and women have traditionally fled the social and family pressures of villages and small towns -- does not translate into acceptance.

Several famous fashion designers, artists and at least one former minister are generally assumed to be gay, but they would never acknowledge it to a disapproving public.

Although gay-bashing is rare here, the disruption of an AIDS conference near Yogyakarta in 2000 and the attacks on gay and transsexual participants failed to cause a public outcry.

Most people tolerate gay public figures or acquaintances, but they would not display the same attitude to their children.

Labels: culture, social affairs

Posted by hera at Sunday, March 3, 2002 1:08 AM | Permalinks